How can I overcome fear? The question, every single person asked a few times in life.
Fear is a part of your, mine, everyone´s life. It always was, and always will be.
There´s no single person in the world, who isn´t afraid of someone. When someone claims it, try to put this person into a cage with a tiger and you´ll see if this person has fear or the reaction will be following…
But, no matter what you´re afraid of, you can overcome every fear. When you learn the principles for overcoming fear your life will never look the same again.
In this article, you´ll discover 8 ways to overcome fear. Let´s started…
Fear is an emotional state. Similar to anger or excitement. The difference is, that when you´re excited, you don´t stop doing something, right? But, when you´re afraid, you do.
In life, there are real fears, and fears that people create just in their own head (translate as – False Evidence Appearing Real).
For example, every person in the world (including you and me) is afraid to enter the cage with a tiger. This is the real fear and it´s pretty good, we are afraid of that. That´s the bright side of fear – it keeps us safe.
But being afraid to ask your boss for a raise? Ask the man or women of your dream to go out with you? These are not real fears.
If you enter the cage with a tiger, you´ll most probably end up dead. This is something you should be afraid of. But if you ask someone out and this person says no, will you die? No, you´ll ask another and another and then, you´re right, another person.
By following this process, not just that you gain confidence, but you´ll learn how to overcome fear. And that´s why you read this article, right? But, to do that, let me ask you first…
Everyone I know says: I want to overcome fear. I want to fear nothing. But, one thing is to say it and another is to do something for it.
Despite the fact that people say they want to overcome their fears, they´re a little bit glad the fear is there. Otherwise, they (and maybe it´s also your case) wouldn´t give it so much space in their lives.
Think about it, you want to get rid of fear, you want to fear nothing but you spend literally hours thinking about all your fears.
When I realized, it was my case too, I asked myself: Why the hell you do that?
And there is only 1 explanation.
We all give fear so much place in our lives because it´s comfortable for us.
Because when we are afraid, we don´t have to work and pursue our dreams, we can watch Netflix all day long.
We don´t have to wake up an hour sooner and go for a run. We can sleep, eat unhealthy breakfast and then say to ourselves:
Well, I tried, but it terrifies me, I can´t do that. I´ll rather find another goal.
That´s why we unconsciously let fear in our life. Well, until today! You´re now fully aware of it and you won´t let any fear ruin your dreams.
The solution is simple:
Make a commitment to overcome your fear today! Say starting today, I will be no more afraid to do ……………………(fill in the blanks).
After you made a commitment, next necessary step is to…
I´ve read this concept in Tony Robbins´s book – Awaken The Giant Within. By the way, one of the best book I´ve ever read. And the principle is pretty simple:
You´ll get rid of fear when you change your goal from should into a must.
The reason you want to start a business is to secure a better life for you and your family.
One day, when you wake up in the morning, you´re tired, but you are supposed to get up and work on your business before you leave for your current job. What do you say to yourself?
If you say to yourself I really should get up and do that and that, the fear of failure will always hunt you down!
But, if you say I MUST do it, that there´s no other option (like your life depend on it) you´ll overcome fear of failure much easier.
Once you feel that your goal is essential, the fear of not trying at all eclipses the fear of failure – that’s when you’ll be motivated to act. (a quote from Awaken The Giant Within – one of the best books out there, highly recommend to read!)
If the previous step isn´t enough, find something, you´re more scared of.
To use the same example, let´s say you´re afraid to work on your business because it might fail. It´s something, many people (including me) struggle with.
But, let me ask you, aren´t you more afraid to not try and you and your family will not have the kind of life you deserve?
Aren´t you more afraid that your kids maybe don´t get the best education they can, only because you didn´t try?
I can get you more examples, but you already see the point.
To overcome the fear of failure, taking action, success, change or any other fear, ask yourself:
What if I let the fear win over me? What happens then? What are the consequences?
Review the answers and I am sure you´ll find something, you´re much more afraid. By doing this, you´ll use fear in your advantage.
Time to roll up your sleeves and sweat a little bit. Even after you implement all strategies above, you´ll not destroy your fears completely.
The only way to get rid of it is by facing it.
Let me give you an example:
If you´re afraid of public speaking, will you get rid of this fear by speaking for yourself, in a closed room? No way. You overcome this fear only by go to the public and speak in front of people.
If you´re afraid of starting your own business as we mentioned above, will you become less afraid of it, if you read about it and never start doing it?
No, actually, the longer you wait the more afraid you´ll become.
Fear can be destroyed only by facing it. But, to do it successfully, you need to do it…
I hope, now you´re committed to face your fears by using the rule: Do what you fear the most.
But, to overcome your fear in the long term you need to do it step-by-step.
For example, your fear would be, again, public speaking. Let´s say you´re terrified by standing in front of people and tell them something.
Whether it´s a meeting in work, family celebration or just a reunion with your friends.
Do you think you beat the fear when you get in front of 5 000 people and start speaking? No, you´ll be so terrified to not be able to tell a word.
And what´s even worse, you link so much pain to this experience, so in the future, you´ll never try to speak again.
What you should do instead is to start speaking in front of 5, 10, 15 people and always add a few more people.
Start in front of your family, friends, then go out and speak anywhere you have an opportunity.
With this process, you´ll develop confidence and get rid of fear.
This principle is from Mel Robbins´s book – 5 Second Rule. It´s pretty straightforward.
Are you afraid to ask your boss for a raise? You are slowly starting convincing yourself, why it isn´t a good time for it? Count 5-4-3-2-1 and knock on his/her door.
Are you afraid to start working on your side business, because you might fail? Count 5-4-3-2-1 open your laptop and start doing the work.
Develop a habit of taking action every time you notice you´re afraid.
Don´t overthink, just do it. Or as Dan Peňa says…
Fear, as well as laziness, fatigue, stress or any other negative emotion, can be destroyed by changing your mental state.
You can do it simply by changing your focus. (Another great principle from Tony Robbins´s book – Awaken The Giant Within).
Instead, start to focus on your big outcome. What happens when everything comes as you planned.
My personal favorite is to change your negative state by using gratitude.
Tony Robbins says: You can´t be angry and grateful at the same time.
Next time, you´ll notice your brain think about failure, anger, stress or any negative emotion, start thinking about what you´re grateful for.
For example, I am grateful for my family, for mine and their health, for being able to live free.
Or even more fundamental like being able to have a roof above your head, clean water to drink, to be able to go to school. There are many children over the world, that don´t have these things.
By changing your focus into being grateful, your fear of failure, success or any other, doesn´t look as big as before. Right?
So, to sum up, every time you are afraid, stressed or angry use gratitude.
Has your partner ever asked you this hypothetical question (Hint: usually used by women 😊)?
Honey, what if we never met? – It doesn´t matter, we met.
Yeah, but what if? Would you have another girlfriend?
!!!!!!! It drives me crazy… It doesn´t matter how you respond, it´ll always be the wrong answer. (If you know what I am talking about, comment below).
But, as much as I hate this question in casual talk, when it comes to overcoming fear it´s a great question. Let´s take some of our previous examples:
You are afraid to work on your business because you might fail.
– But, what if you don´t fail? What if everything will be, as you planned?
– What if you give up and after 30 years you´ll regret it (more about regrets later).
You don´t ask your boss for a raise, because you´re afraid of an answer „no“.
– But, what if your boss gives you a raise?
– What if you don´t ask, and you´ll regret it later when you need this money for let´s say surgery.
You don´t ask someone out, because again, you´re afraid of rejection.
– But, what if this person says yes and it´ll become the love of your life?
– What if you never ask, and after a few years, you meet this person (love of your life) with someone else?
The question what if show you 2 side of the coin.
First drives you positively – you should must overcome your fear to get a positive outcome.
Second, drives you by showing you what bad might happened when you do not overcome your fears.
There´s only a few things worse, than regrets.
As a last tip, I share with you one technique, Tony Robbins use for overcoming fear. It´s called…
Imagine you´re 85 and you are sitting in your rocking chair, reviewing your life.
What do you see? Do you see regrets or joy?
And more importantly, think about the fear you want to overcome right now.
Your decision in your current situation should be the one, that doesn´t create this sentence on your rocking chair:
Ohh, I wish, I would do that while I could. I wish I wasn´t so afraid.
Imagine yourself in this rocking chair every time you struggle with fear and you don´t know how to decide.
And to increase your odds to successfully overcome fear use also this technique for always making the right decision.
There isn´t one single person on this planet who isn´t afraid of something. Someone who claim this, is just afraid to admit it. 🙂
That´s the reason why it´s super important to face your fears and learn how to overcome them.
Firstly you need to make a commitment you want to get rid of your particular fears and not give it so much space in your life anymore.
Then, slowly, step-by-step you stop thinking of „should“ and start thinking of „must“.
From this point, you´ll face your fears, until you make a habit from it.
And then, when you´ll have one of your weak moments, you´ll try to eliminate regrets, ask the right questions and „play“ with your focus.
Those were 8 tips on how to overcome fear. It doesn´t matter what your fears are, these tips work for every one of them.
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P.S.: I didn´t share with you my biggest fear, yet. For me. it´s the image of not being able to take care of my family and provide a good life for them.
What is your biggest fear? Leave a comment below!