How To Become More Confident Using One Secret Rule

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Lately, I´ve been wondering how to become more confident in life. 

I believed, it is a little bit unfair, that some people are born with the ability to light up every room they enter, while others can´t stand for themselves. 

So, I did a little research and I found out how wrong I was. 

In this article I want to share with you: 

  • Why probably all your beliefs about confidence was wrong,
  • Why confidence is essential for success in every area of your life,
  • What is (by far) the best tip for becoming more confident in life,
  • How to start your change from shy to a super confident person,
  • 3 bonus tips to make you as confident as you always wanted to be. 

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A Misconception About Confidence

In my opinion, the biggest misconception about confidence is that you have to be born with it. The truth is, you don´t. 

Many super successful people all over the world are shy. Yet they are able to be confident when they need. 

Here are few examples: 

  • Warren Buffet was so shy to speak in front of people, so he wasn’t able to speak with anyone else, except people he already knew. 
  • Jim Kwik was so shy when he was a kid, so when taught asked him to show her his homework he said he didn´t do it. Even when he was working for it for several hours. 
  • Roger Federer said that in the final day of Australian Open 2018 he was doubting himself from morning until the late night when the match started. 

I bet if you didn´t know this information, you would definitely think these guys have to born with confidence. 

  • Now, when you look at Warren Buffet how he talks to people,
  • when you look at Jim Kwik how he teaches a room of thousands of people,
  • or when you see Roger Federer plays the final match of a grand slam, you will know, they weren´t born with it.

They thought themselves how to be confident. 

They needed to do so, because they know, becoming more confident is extremely important for success in any area of life.

Which is exactly, what I am going to share with you next. 

Why You Need To Be Confident

Brendon Burchard performed the largest study of High Performers. He wanted to find an answer to a question:

Why some people perform at a high level, while others don´t?

One of the many findings was that people who perform on a high level consider feeling of confidence as a #1 predictor of their success. 

If they feel confident, they are much more likely to succeed in anything they want. This research was full of great information that helps you to become a High Performer. 

All this information you can find in his bestselling book – High-Performance Habits 

But, I am sure you don´t realize you need to be more confident only because of research. I am sure you already know it. 

Try to review your last year. And ask yourself, how much your life would be different if you were more confident? 

  • Maybe, if you were more confident, you would get a promotion in your work. 
  • Maybe, if you were less afraid to ask for a raise, you would definitely get it. 
  • Maybe if you act just a little bit more confidently, your and your family´s life would be much easier. 

As you can see, you miss so much, when you lack confidence. 

Or on the other hand, you could gain so much, if you discover how to become more confident

Which, I am about to share with you in the next part of this article.

What Is The First Thing You Need To Do To Become Confident

There are lots of tips out there on topic how to become more confident in life. And I am sure, many of them are really valuable. 

But there is one rule that stands above all confidence tips. yet almost no one talks about it. 

It is called integrity rule. 

Integrity rule is a rule that is absolutely essential for you to become confident in life. 

I believe that without this, you can follow every tip, secret, rule, guide or anything else, but you will never become as confident as you can be. 

Here´s how integrity rule works. 

Integrity Rule

I think the first time I discovered integrity rule in Steven Covey´s book – First Things First. 

Here´s the key to integrity rule and your confidence in life:

Do what you say you are going to do.

That´s it. It seems simple, but it´s not.

  • How many times did you broke this rule? 
  • How many times did you break this rule, just this week? 

I know, I did it many times. Surely, much less than in the past, but sometimes it happens. 

  • What happens when you break this rule? 

For example, you say, you´re going to wake up at 5 a.m. tomorrow and you are going to work out. 

Then, when the time comes, all kinds of excuses pop up inside your brain and you convince yourself, it´s better for me to hit the snooze button and have that one extra hour of sleep. 

We all are guilty of this. I am sure, you´ve done it at least once in life.  

  • Then, you know what happens next? 

Even though at the time you convinced yourself how good it is for you to not fulfill your promise to yourself (waking up and workout), you know it is bullshit and you feel bad about yourself. 

Here´s what you really think: 

And that´s the true reason you are not confident enough. 

You don´t believe yourself, because you don´t do things you say you do. And without believing in yourself, it is not possible to be confident. 

How To Become Confident For The Rest Of Your Life

You can find the courage and be confident in one situation. But, if you want to truly change your life you need to do be able to repeat the same behavior in every situation. 

The only way you can use this integrity rule and make it the part of your life is to develop a habit of confidence. 

And when you want to develop any habit, you have to follow 2 rules: 

  • You have to do it consistently.  

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is nota n act, but a habit. – Aristotle

  • You have to do it step by step. 

Make it so easy you can´t say no to it. – Leo Babuta 

For an exact guide on how to develop a habit check out my article that shows your scientific way how to develop a habit

3 Additional Bonus Tips On How To Become More Confident

If you want to become more confident in life I believe you have to start by mastering the integrity rule. 

Without it, I can share with you any tip, but it won´t stick. 

After you successfully implement the integrity rule into your life and you´ll be in a process of making a habit of integrity, then is the right time to use other useful tips (which, I am about to share with you).

1 – Do what you fear the most. 

This tip is simple to understand, but so hard to follow. 

One of the best ways to become more confident in life is to do what you´re afraid the most. 

Usually, you want to become more confident because you want to find the courage to do something, you´re afraid of. 

And the best way to stop being afraid is to do it. No matter how less prepare you are. 

If you´re afraid to talk in front of people, you can talk in front of a mirror several hours every day, but you still be afraid. 

But, if you instead go out, find a small crowd and speak in front of them for a few minutes, you´ll become less afraid and much more confident. 

2 – Gain competence.

In psychology, there is a term called confidence-competence loop. 

This says that more familiar you are about a certain topic, more confident you´re going to feel with it. 

If you played your whole life basketball, and suddenly someone throws you into the pitch of an NBA match, you´re gonna be more confident, than if someone throw you on a football pitch. 

If you want to become more confident, you have to be more competent.

And the way you can become more competent is when you develop a habit of constant learning. 

Which you can start like I did and take the 67 Steps that do it for you. 

3 – Eliminate Failure.

Fear of failure is one of our deepest fears. I am sure, it is responsible for so more broken dreams than any other fear. 

Usually, people are afraid to take action because they are afraid they´re gonna fail. 

If someone guarantees you, that if you start your own business and you can´t fail in any circumstances you wouldn´t need as much confidence to take action and start a business, right? 

So, in many cases, your problem isn´t lack of confidence. It is fear of failure.

When you gonna take action, there are 2 possible results: 

  • You either win,
  • or you learn. 

And when you learn, you can avoid making this mistake in the future, which is not a failure. It is stepping forward. 

So, when you shift your mindset and you realize, that failure is off the table, you´ll become much more confident.


Some people are more confident than others. Yet, it´s not only because they were born that way or that they have no fear. 

They teach themselves, how to overcome fear and be confident. 

The best way how to do so is to keep your word (using integrity rule). Don´t break your promises (to yourself or others). 

Following integrity, the rule is gonna make you more confident, popular and thanks to it, you start developing a habit of confidence. 

After you finish that, then implement also other 3 useful tips on how to become more confident in life which you discovered in this article.

And remember, confidence is not something you have to be born with, it is something, you can teach yourself. 

Leave a comment below: 

What is the one thing, you need to become more confident about? 

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My name is Patrik. I live in Slovakia and I am owner of dayprov.com. Dayprov is about Everyday improvements in our lives. You will find here tips about success, motivation, personal development and anything you want. Your recommendations for new interesting blog posts you would like to read about send to patrik@dayprov.com.

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